Many things in life seem contradictory. You cannot hate someone, unless you love him, or at least you care for him. You will not try to change someone, unless the person means something to you. Never mind what you are, but at least in that one relationship, you are being very honest. You are a do-gooder. But it is tough being one, because it involves trying to show the person the way ahead; and that could make you unpopular. And that is the reason why many of us stop being do-gooders in many basic relationships.
Let us not consider the many relationships we are all involved in, such as husband-wife, boss-worker, etc. Let us confine ourselves to the most primal of relationships: parent-child. We all agree that when it comes to our children, we all have their good at heart. We never resort to manipulation or deceit, nor will we find any endeavour too much to carry out when it comes to the welfare of the little ones.
Despite our focus in terms of intent, do we carry out our duties in their best interests? Not really, if we review our actions with honesty. Last week I met a girl in her twenties, whose parents had indulged her every whim. She was attending an upper crust school for painting, after having learnt photography in New York. Yet she was quite sad. I asked her why. She was wondering if her parents truly loved her.
“I know that they gave me everything I wanted, even though my choices cost a packet. But that was because they could afford it. I do not know if they would ever sacrifice anything for my happiness, if they could not afford it,” she said plaintively. She is not the only one I have known from her socio-economic bracket who longs for one thing which comes free — parental love.
There are many other parents, across all classes, who take the soft option and do not really get involved in the lives of their little ones. Some allow their children to play with unsuitable friends, because they would be unpopular parents if they were to act otherwise. Some are too stressed with their own lives and have no time to pull up their sons and daughters when they transgress social norms. They would prefer peace in the home, at least in the little time they spend there, rather than have ugly showdowns. All of us have pulled back from insisting on ideal bedtimes in these days of television and the internet. And even the best of us, have gently told our children, “Tomorrow,” when we are occupied with something and junior asks us a question.
Remember, especially when it comes to children who do not know better, we cannot abdicate our responsibilities. In every society and through the ages, the needs of children always have had priority. Everything else in our life can wait. To the child we cannot answer, Tomorrow. His need is Today.
-Anupam Kher (Source:DC)
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